"I had a funny dream last night, Mom" "Did you?" " I dreamed I was awake, but when I woke up I found I was asleep."
Sandra and Simon were arguing furiously over the breakfast table. "Oh, you are stupid!" shouted Simon. "Simon!" said their father, " that's quite enough of that. Now say you are sorry." "All right," said Simon." Sandra, I'm sorry you're stupid."
Mean man: "How much for a haircut?"
Barber: "Forty cents."
Mean man: "How much for a shave?"
Barber: "Thirty cents"
Mean man: " Right- shave my head."
Why is the graveyard such a noisy place?
Because of all the coffin!
Why is it difficult to open a piano?
Because all the keys are inside.
My aunty has a sore throat. What should she do?
How do monsters count to 13?
On their fingers
"Doctor, doctor, I have just swallowed the film from my camera." "Well lets hope nothing develops."
Why did the monster jump up and down? Because he'd just taken medicine he'd forgotten to shake the bottle.
Tracy: "Would you punish someone for something they haven't done?"
Teacher: "Of course not."
Tracy: "Oh good, because I haven't done my homework."
There once was a fellow named Clyde
who went to a funeral and cried.
When asked who was dead,
he stammered and said
I don't know, I just came for the ride.