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"I beg your pardon," said the man, returning to his seat in the theatre, "But did I step on your right toe as I went out?" "You certainly did," the woman replied.
"Oh good" said the man, "that means I'm in the right row."

A man telephoned London Airport. "How long does it take to get to New York?"
"Just a minute." "Thanks very much."

Did you hear about the florist who had two children?
One's a budding genius and the other's a blooming idiot.

The garbage men were just about to leave the street when a women came running out of house carrying some cardboard boxes.
"Am I too late for the garbage?" she called. "No, lady," replied one of the men, "Jump right in!"

Why did the robot act stupid?
Because he had a screw loose.

When he received the end of term report Brenda's father went crazy. "This report is terrible," he said ,
"I am not at all pleased with it."
" I told the teacher you wouldn't like it," said Brenda, " But she insisted on sending it just the same."

Boy: Why is it that when I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet?
Father: That's because you're feet are not empty.

A fat girl went into a café and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice - cream covered with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts.
"Would you like a cherry on the top?" asked the waitress. "No thanks, said the girl," I'm on diet."

What did the bookworm say to the school librarian?
"Can I burrow this book please?"

A teacher caught one of her students stealing apples. The lad stood in front of her trying to hide the apples behind his back. "What's your name again?" asked the teacher. "Leo." "And whose class are you in ?" " Mr Scorpo's." "And where do you live?" " Capricorn street." "And what are you hiding behind your back?" "Nothing, Miss. Honest."

There was a fat cat on a mat
Who liked to chase mice named pat.
He chased them around
And fell on the ground
And smashed them until they were flat!



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